NICU Graduate Clinic Follow Up

Christian had his NICU Graduate Appt. this morning. On his scoring they give him 2 months b/c he was 2 months early except for speech, He scored 100 in his cognitive area, 73 for Motor and 74 for Speech. They said considering his History and by looking at his chart they expected him to be way far more behind, that he was doing so AMAZING considering his History! He is however Stiff and weak in his right arm and Hand which we already knew He also holds is Hand in a fist most of the time. I did notice his right leg seemed a little Stiff but was unsure and he is also Stiff there and in both legs but more on the Right side they said. We were to see the Neurologist Monday but due to the Weather it got Canceled and we won 't go back till Jan. He has been getting PT 1X a Week and DI 1X a Week we are going to be Starting OT ASAP and plan to have Speech Therapy by Jan


.

Christian had his Shunt Revision on Nov. 25th due to Malfunction. The only symptoms basically were Head increasing in size and soft spot. Anyway he had also Deviating eyes and sunsetting. They looked better till last night I noticed his Left eye was Deviating again and was not equal w/ the other. I did Mention this w/ the NICU Doc and he looked and did note that w/ the light shinning into his eyes they are not the same that one is were it should be and the other isn't. Basically What I already seen. Christian has his opthamology appt. in Jan. also and the doc said it should be OK to wait. and all this could be from all the pressure he had from the Hydro or it could be that his Muscles in that eye have become Weak or not developing as they should that he couldn't really say that the Eye doc would be able to get a better pic

I hope all have a Great Holiday!

He's now 26 inches and 15 pounds He's growing up :) He has fount his foot and it's his Favorite thing right now LOL

What a Holiday!

We have had a few scary days :( This last couple of weeks I noticed Christian's head seemed bigger and his soft spot seemed to be getting larger. He had a appt on the 25th so I just waited till then. Since he was acting OK, he was playing and cooing and eating OK. His pediatrician confirmed my suspicion his head had increased a little over 2 inches with in a month and his soft spot was big. So off to Children's ER I went w/ him as that is were the neurosurgeon' s told us to go. Upon arrival they immediately got him into radiology. After that with an hour he was having emergency Surgery. His Shunt was malfunctioned and his ventricles were so swollen his eyes wasn't looking upward (an indication serious) They said there was no way they could wait as if they did all the fluid build up could push his brain out and Kill him. That they had to take him in right away. I was terrified and didn't know what to do. James was trying to get there. I was all alone and so scared. Finally after waiting for over an hour the surgeon came out and said surgery went great. The tubing that was in the brain ventricles was clogged. They replaced it w/ new tubing and sent the old one off for pathology report. After 2 hours we finally got to go back in recovery by that time James arrived. We were in recovery for 4 hours b/c he had a rough start after surgery w/ bad heart rate drops and his eyes were leaning to the sides. Finally he started doing great and was moved to the floor and did great over night and the following morning and evening and was sent home. We are now home and resting. I am so glad I took him when I did, I just wish I would of took him sooner but he was acting OK and normal. I feel horrible b/c I think of what could of happened if I hadn't taken him in. I know I shouldn't feel that way but can't help it. Please keep Christian in your thoughts for a fast recovery. They said he was OK to come home but I am terrified now, He's still sluggish on his feeds but he still so happy and playing (when he has Tylenol for the pain LOL) He has just amazed me so much...He sure is one tough Cookie!

Hope Everyone has a Great Thanksgiving, We will be spending it home as we don't want to get Christian out so soon after Surgery. One thing I'll be thankful for is my Baby Christian :)

It's been a rough few weeks, I've had to deal w/ so much since my loss from Family it unreal :( Unfortunately I have cut all ties to my sister. She has treated me horrible since my loss, all b/c I didn't call her while I was on my death bed. I didn't want to talk to anyone I was so distant I wanted to be left alone. She has sent me nasty texts and voice mail messages, and my son has been getting picked on at school by her daughter, she tells him it's all his fault etc. I have went to the school called and everything and nothing has been done, thankfully things has slowed down this last week lest just hope it stays that way so I can mourn my loss and stop dealing w/ every one's Drama.

As for the rest of the clan, their all doing good. I haven't been able to do much therapy myself w/ Christian lately but we are trying to get back on track w/ that. His therapist are still coming out every week. He is doing Great over all.

Nevaeh got her fingers cut the other day, she decided to get a can out of the trash and well one finger on each hand got cut. Unfortunately I had no vehicle b/c James took mine to work. I couldn't control the bleeding so had to call an Ambulance. They came out and got her all bandaged and bleeding controlled until my mom got there. Levi's speech therapist came and after my mom got there we went and took her to the hosp. She needed stinches but considering it was her finger tips and she would just tear them out the doc didn't want to do that so he glued them to get the bleeding to stop. Unfortunately one started back bleeding that night but after 2 days it's not bleeding no more. Poor thing can't stand to have her band aids off LOL!

Christian's Diagnosis :(

We just got home from Christian's appt a follow up on his arm were he isn't moving his right as much and it's a little stiff. His ped feels that it's b/c of his Stroke he had and he has developed CP in his right arm, as of right now it's mild and we are hoping it stays that way. So far his arm is the only thing affected, I'm crossing my fingers that it will stay that way. After all that has happened these past couple of weeks, going threw a miscarriage and almost dieing, this really isn't something I wanted to hear to say the least, I kinda knew it may be CP but hearing that my baby has CP makes it different. I'll take him no matter what and I'll ALWAYS LOVE HIM nothing will ever change that. It's just hard knowing he will be dealing w/ this for the rest of his life. I just pray that his will only stay Mild. He goes back for his 6 month follow up in a few weeks, He is up to 13 pounds finally and 24 inches! As for me well, I feel like the world is crashing down all around me. These past 5 years I have had so much heartache and pain in my life, but there has been so many amazing happy rewarding ones to it's just so hard to see them. It's like I'm at the point to say OK what's next what else do I have to go threw. It makes you think how much does one person really have to go threw in Life. I know I'm not better than anyone else and there are many probably going threw worse I just hate that we all have to have so much heartache and I wonder if there is ever an end of this long road. Will I ever see the light again and just be HAPPY?

An Unexpected Loss :(

The morning of the 22nd at around 6 am Christian woke up wanting his bottle. I got up and used the bathroom feeling OK, I went on and got his bottle ready and then went and got Christian out of bed. We came to the living room as we usually do and I sat down in my computer chair. It was no more than 5 minits and I felt a warm wetness run down my legs. I looked and saw blood. James was asleep on the couch, I instantly hollered at him, He ran over w/ a scared look on his face. I some how remained calm. I knew it was not good but I was calm. I had him get Christian and there was a towel laying in the floor so I wrapped it around my bottom and went to the bathroom. I was Gushing blood and the towel didn't even catch it all. I sat on the toilet then started to cry. I knew I was loosing my baby but I didn't want to accept it. The flow of the blood slowed down to like a spotting. I got up cleaned myself up and James was on the phone trying to find someone to watch the kids. We were having no luck so he wanted to call an ambulance. I told him no b/c the bleeding slowed way down and I thought I passed it all. I still wanted to go to the hospital in hopes that maybe it was nothing Major and that the baby was OK. Finally James got a hold of my mom and left to go pick her up. He came back about 30 minits later. By that time the bleed was coming back but not to bad. It was like I was having a period. We got in the van and off we went. No ,more than 5 minits passed and just after we passed the rail road tracks I started gushing. It was so bad. I don't remember much but telling James if I die to take care of the Kids. I was in and out of it on the way to the hospital. He said I was talking out of my head. I do remember James getting me out of the van and putting me in a wheel chair. I looked in my van and saw all the blood and huge blood clots and started crying. He wheeled me into the hospital were they were trying to get me to fill papers out I remember James yelling at them she is bleeding to death get her back there now. There was trails of blood from my van all the way into the ER. A nurse ran out and took me back while James registered me. I don't remember much but telling them they weren't taking my baby w/ out proof. I was crying and in and out of conscious. Everything is a blur. They had to do a emergency D&C When I woke I was in shock I didn't know what to think. James said all my color was gone I was so pale, so whitish gray looking that my lips didn't even have color. James said I was bleeding so bad it was like the excorist he said Huge clots as big as a watermelon was coming out. He said he thought he was going to loose me. They said I was very lucky to be alive I lost over half my blood. I was given 4bags of blood and they said I was still anemic. I was in the hospital for 4 nights. I am still very weak and numb I am so sad and I just don't know what I am supposed to be feeling right now. I was just starting to get excited about this baby. It hurts so bad. It's like I'll be OK for a moment then it hits me. My doctor said they sent every thing off to the pathologist hopefully we will find out what happen. I'm so weak and in pain right now that I just don't know what to do.

Up Up And AWAY!!!!!!

(Waiting Patiently NOT!!!)

Sat. was a big day for my 3 oldest boys (Austin, Isaiah, & Nigel) Our local airport has a program for children that they do 2X a year. It's called The Young Eagles, Children are given a Free airplane ride. This was our first year participating, I was so glad I fount out about it as I didn't get to do anything w/ them b/c of Christian being born early and been so sick this Summer. So I felt this would be a GREAT Experience for them. They rode the plane together and had a BLAST! I had Austin take a Camera and he took some pics but mostly of his self LOL They were up in the air aprox. about 20+ minits. Austin sat in Front and Actually got to steer the plain a Little! It was priceless to see their Smiles as they were Walking Back.

(Nigel Looking out)

(Isaiah all Proud)

(Austin probably thinking HAHA I got the Front Seat LOL)

(One of the scenery pics Austin Took)

(Their Back!)

(Safe & Sound)

NICU Graduate Clinic Follow Up

Thursday Christian had a follow up appt. at the NICU Graduate Clinic. I expected them to say the worst as that's what I seem to always expect any more. Amazingly it went really well, Christian saw one of the doctors who took care of him in the NICU and well this is the one that said the worst. She said he may never walk, talk etc. basically the worst any parent could ever hear about their child. When she examined Christian she was so amazed of how well he's doing. She said she didn't expect to see him doing this well, that I was doing a great job. She come back to his room 3X just to see him b/c she was so surprised. She also had to take him and show him off. She was glad I went ahead and got him enrolled into the early intervention program instead of waiting. He gets DI 1X a week and PT 1X every other week. Considering Christian's history and right now his brain needs to be learned and all his motor areas need to be more focused on. The doctor and their PT wants him to up is PT to 1X a week. Christian has gotten a little stiff but something not uncommon in preemies we just don't want to neglect those areas especially w/ him. I have noticed some decrease here lately in his right side, one thing I was aware that may happen. I'm trying to get a hold of his PT right now to push for his therapies, Still no luck. I'm going to think positive for my child, He's come this far and he's already showed the docs he's no quiter but he is a FIGHTER!

Baby # 9....Peanut in the Making!

I went in for my 1st OB Appt. Today for Baby # 9, It went really well. I've been Spotting for this Last week and was concerned, especially after going to the ER and they done a Ultrasound and heart rate was 95 so it was low and they considered I was possibly having a Miscarriage. Today My OB Doc did another US and baby looks Great, My Little Peanut's HR was at 124 so all looked good I'm due around Christian's 1st B-day lol. He said for me to take it easy for theses next 4 weeks ( Easier said than Done LOL ) I talked to him about my delivery w/ Christian and all. He looked threw all the paper work and there was no indication why he was born. The Pathology report on the placenta was OK basically we may never know. He said I have a increased Chance of 30 - 40% to have this baby Early too, B/C of my History and now Having Christian as early as I did. He said when I hit the 2ND Trimester I'll be CLOSELY WATCHED. I may also need another C-Section He said he won't recommend me Laboring Long b/c it's only been 5 months now and I'm Technically not completely back to Normal, Not to Mention this is the 9Th baby so my Uterus is really Weak so there is a good Chance now that there is Previous scar tissue that my uterus won't be able to handle labor. So we will have to wait and see how that works out. He's OK w/ me having Vaginal just doesn't want it prolonged. He said if I come in dilated 6 or that my Labor is going OK and no indication of any Rupture happening then he's OK trying a VBAC but he doesn't want my body in to much distress and me rupturing my uterus. It would be different if this was my 2ND baby but this is my 9Th so that has to be played into consideration. We will wait and see what happens after all I'm only 7 weeks so we have time to discuss it later on.


(Little Peanut Baby # 9)


Everyone else is doing good, The bigger kids are in School doing there thing each day (being typical boys lol) Levi goes for his preschool screening the 20Th he's talking some more but here lately he's going back to his screaming and whining lol. Nevaeh is a HAM she is my Girl and Knows it she is so ROTTEN! Christian is doing Good, He got his 1st Synagis shot on the 9Th, We didn't get the bladder test done b/c my Van broke down :( We are rescheduled for the 27Th. He goes to the NICU Graduate Clinic this Wednesday. He's now finally reached 11pounds! He's still little but catching up slowly.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day Oct. 15th

Remembering all our Precious Babies
I miss you Lucas your forever in my Heart 3-4-04 ~ 6-24-04 Forever 3 months and 20 days.

Every Good & Perfect Gift Comes From Above James 1:17...

Home from the Hospital!

Christian got to come home Monday, he had a bad UTI and they said when babies this young get infections it can be a sign something is up w/ his Kidneys. The Ultrasound of his kidneys came back OK, but we go back the 9th or a bladder test to see if he's refluxing. Untill we find out the results he stays on antibiotics. Thankfully we had already had a shot of the antibiotic before being put in the hospital, that gave him a good start. They kept him on IV meds and his urine cultures looked good so the meds done their job. After 24hrs of no sign of fever we got to come home.

It's funny it's like I have a new child lol, he feels so much better, playful, has his appetite back, and just so happy. Thanks for all the prayers

Christian is being put in the Hospital

I'm going to type this quick, When we went in for Christian's other shot the Dr. Vogt called and spoke w/ me. Christian's urine cultures are growing a bacteria and it looks serious. I have to have him up at children's by 3pm They are putting him in the hosp and we are not sure how long he'll be there. She said until his urine comes back neg. This is all I know right now so pray for Christian.

These last couple days!

These last couple days has been very hectic here to say the least. Christian started not feeling well yesterday morning, We went ahead and took the boys onto their dentist appt. (5 in one appt!) After a couple of hours in the Dentist office, well I was ready to go home. We got home and I noticed Christian felt warmer than usual, so I took his temp and it was 100.6 So I instantly called the doc. They set his appt for later that evening @ 5:20 but the doc called and said she wanted him in there now! So back to town we went. No known illnesses were seen so after a couple attempts of getting a blood culture didn't work out she sent us to our city hosp. and we were to see her the next day back in the office. we get to the hosp. and they also had no luck w/ getting a culture drawn :( they went ahead and did the CBC though threw a heel prick.

Threw out the night his fever stayed the same (low grade) but he was fussy and sluggish w/ his feeds. The next morn after being up all night I was trying to rest when the phone rang. It was Dr.Vogts office telling me she wanted him in there ASAP!

We get in and he is taken on back, his WBC was elevated to 17000 not to high but enough for her to be concern b/c of his history. Worried it may be a shunt infection she calls neurosurgery to see what they recommend. Well they want us to watch him and if his fever spikes high to rush him to Children's they said they trust me to take him home and Know I'll bring him in instantly If I thought he needed to be seen.

Dr. Vogt still wanted a blood culture so I agreed and she sent him to there local hosp that had Nursery nurses to draw the blood. YAY it was a success. They also did another CBC. SO we went back home.

We wasn't home long and she calls. Christian's WBC is up to 28000 so she doesn't want to play around and wants him in the office for a antibiotic shot and back in the morn for another one. So back we went to the office.

My poor guy got a shot in the buttocks :( (OUCH!!!)

Basically I'm keeping a close eye on Christian and hopefully the cultures come back normal. We are hoping this is viral.

Other than all that Chaos it's going OK, I'm really tiered. James is out of town and been gone since Wednesday working. hopefully he'll be home tomorrow.

Potty time hasn't been going well, all that's been going on it's kinda been put on the back burner. I'm still trying to work w/ them but running here and there well it's kinda hard to get them to potty some were else. That's OK tho Christian is our main concern.

Keep him in your Prayers

Potty TIme!

I am so Proud right now :) Levi my 2 1/2 year old and Nevaeh 1 1/2 year old. Went peepee in the potty this Morning YAY. I am hoping to have them broke from the pampers by next year. Wish me luck, I'm not sure how it's going to go braking both at the same time.

When Christian was in the NICU I broke them cold turkey from the bottle at the same time and it went GREAT! Levi whimpered longer but overall I was glad I did it together.

So I am Crossing my fingers for potty Breaking to be a Success. After all 3 in diapers all the time and one in pull ups at night. Well I guess you can say I look forward to not having to buy so many diapers. It pushes my budget as it is lol I would rather use that money else were. I am determined to do this so let's hope this determination will guide me threw and give me the strength.

It's Positive!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(This is the Test The Pos. is not very Dark but it's There)


Well how do I say it, Yeap I tested pos. yesterday (I'm 2 days Late) Now I don't Know what to think. I'm OK w/ it I realy am but, w/ Christian being a preemie now only 4 months old and all that he went threw I realy didn't want to get pregnant. Not that I won't love this baby (I already do) it's just happening so fast. Not to mention now worrying about having another Preemie. I'm fertile and the docs new that but 4 different docs wouldn't give me any birth control. I wanted the depo shot but it made me bleed in the past and they didn't want to try it. The pill affects my heart so that wasn't an option. I was OK w/ trying the shot all I had to do was take hormone pills again if the bleeding started. But no they wouldn't. So our methods apparently not very affective.

I already have 3 kids age 2 1/2 and under! And PreTeens, and a 5 year old. Will I be able to do it? Especialy w/ Christian being a preemie and having medical problems. OH Man the more I think of it scares me to DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!

I went to a doctor today and she confirmed I am definetly Pregnant. All I can say is I will need the Lords strength more now than I ever did. I am Happy but Scared, Heck I have the right to be look at what I've been threw!

What A Week!

(What A Smile!!!)

This last week has been Hectic to say the least, Christian is doing good, He's not peen using the bathroom and hadn't had a BM in a week so off to the doc we went considering every thing we tried didn't do no good. We did every thing from juice, warm bath w/ tummy massage down to Karo syrup. Unfortunately Dr. Vogt decided he needed glycerin suppository's. Apparently it was all he needed lol. Talk about the little guy feeling so much better :)

(Daddy's Helper)

Christian finally reached 10 pounds YAY at 16 weeks (4 months) He's finally filling out his clothes. Dr. Vogt wants to keep him on the high cal. milk until he reaches a good weight b/c he is still in the 3rd percentile.

Monday I had an episode of waking up in severe pain in my lower back that radiated to my stomach. My stomach was sour and I was vomiting. I was in horrible pain that James came home. After a few agonising hours I was feeling allot better so we thought maybe a virus? I was OK Tuesday but once this morning hit I was in pain again I waited and waited for it to go away finally I called my Best friend and she came to take me to the hospital. Turns out I have a severe Kidney infection (OUCH) Hopefully I'll feel better soon.

Nevaeh my little girl has definitely a princess, She played dress up today and it was so cute. Who knew a 20 month old would be so girly!

(Mommy's Princess)

Levi & Nevaeh Playing

Levi and Nevaeh Playing ring around the roses, Levi gets mad at the end LOL b/c Nevaeh was done playing heehee, They grow up to fast :(

Surgery Update

Christian went threw his surgery just Great! It took about 1-2 hours and it felt like forever for me. I anxiously waited, I was so nervous and scare. I was able to monitor were he was at by his patient number by looking at this big computer. After about 30min after they took him back his nurse called to the surgery waiting to let me know that Christian went to sleep w/ no problems and that Dr. Skinner had made the first cut and to expect about 1- 1 1/2 hours before procedure is done. It seemed like the longest wait, It was allot longer than his Shunt surgery. Finally I saw on the computer board that he was out of surgery. So I waited and it wasn't but a minit or two and I saw Dr. Skinner come into the surgery waiting area, He waved for me and James to go in the conference room w/ him. He said Christian did Great that his Hernia was repaired and that he had allot of Fluid and they drained that out to and fixed that. He didn't look on the left side but there is a chance he may develop one there (I hope not) but if he does we will be right back at children's to get it done lol.

After about 30 minits later we were taken back to recovery and Christian was screaming, He was throwing a fit. I instantly got him and he looked at me w/ his big dark blue eyes and calmed down after a moment. (He just wanted his mama) After about an hour James had to leave to go to work. We really can't afford for him to of stayed so as hard as it was he went on his way.

(In Recovery)

We waited in Recovery forever b/c they didn't have any beds up stairs so after a few hours they finally got his room all set and ready. We got up there and the nurses got him all set up. He was hooked to monitors to watch his breathing, heart and oxygen levels.

(After we got to our room)

It went pretty well threw out the rest of the day. Christian actually seemed allot happier, He was smiling and just cooing away. He did however get really cranky a few times so I think he needed some pain meds but after that he was OK. Dr. Skinner came in a few times to check on him and see how he was doing.

(Laughing at mommy)

Surprisingly the little baby beside Christian was also from the same county as us lol Even our 5 year old's had the same teacher It was pretty cool. Also Lisa came by to visit, She is baby Aiden's mom, Aiden is a preemie to and him and Christian were also neighbors in the NICU it was realy great seeing her and having a little Chat. I don't miss the NICU but I do miss the parents and Nurses I got to know. So it was a really nice visit!

Threw out the night Christian made a few alarms but nothing he didn't fix on his own so that was good. Dr. Skinner came in the morning and checked Christian out and released us to go home.

On Our way out we stopped and chatted w/ one of the girls we got to know at the NICU that worked there and that was also nice. It's funny how you miss those little chats lol.

Christian is doing great still, he seems more happier now. He is the most active baby lol he constantly is wiggling and kicking lol I love it! Just watching all that he is doing right now lifts my spirits and helps me know that my Baby is going to be OK and prove all those doctors Wrong.

Getting Ready for Surgery

Christian's Surgery is set for tomorrow :( I am so nervous....I know he will be fine but I am a mom and I worry, Can't help it...LOL It's what I do best! We are to be at the hosp by 5:45A.M. OMG I have to head out atleast by 4:30 in the morn :( I'll be glad that his Hernia gets repaired but any surgery has it's risks. Hopfully we will be hom Friday evening if all goes well. Keep us in your prayers. I took him to the Pediatrician yesterday just to make sure he was physicaly OK to have the Surgery and she said he was OK. He still has sniffles and we are thinking it's Alergies. He's had them over a month w/ no sign of infections. He's up to 9 pounds 11oz Wow almost 10 pounds now WOOOHOOO!!!!! He's finally packing on the weight.

Surgery Date Set

It's offical, Christian does need surgery for his hernia :( instead of waiting they will be doing it on the 4th os sept. they don't want to wait b/c they think it may of got stuck once and unstuck by the time we got to children's hosp. He will be staying over night b/c of him being a preemie and his history. Other than that he is doing ok up to 8 pound 8 oz and 21 inches. He's now 3 months old. And Geuss what, he Cooed and said Igoood a few times and is starting to smile more, he's even laughed out loud while he was sleeping, I'm so excited it's like I am a new mom and never experianced this before, A great milestone...One proud mommy right now lol

A little Update of my crazy life!

Well it's been a rather interesting month and what a first few days I have had.

OK Christian update he is doing good up to 8 pounds 2 oz 20 and a quarter inches he's really alert and acts just like a little newborn would, he can hold his head up for some time and move it around like he is looking at everyone, he is starting to show some expressions like smiling etc. I actually dried up in my breast milk unfortunately but I still have some frozen actually allot still so that's good :) A few weeks ago we had to go to the ER he went on a screaming fit and I couldn't console him at all, I went to change his diaper and his scrotum was dark BLUE I instantly buckled him in his seat called my BF told her to meet me at the ER B/C I had 4 kids w/ me all under 5. We get there and they rush him back only to say no his scrotum was fine that it was his shunt malfunctioning so they rush us on an ambulance take us to the children's hosp, Scare me to death now I am worried about 2 things, well they checked him out his shunt is fine and it is his scrotum they believe his intestines may of twisted and fixed there self by the time we got there, they sent us home said he may have a hernia. Well I take him to his ped as I feel it just doesn't look right and yeah he definitely has a hernia and needs surgery so he sees the surgeons the 22nd to make a plan of action, he's still congested and they think he is developing allergies :( Over all right now he is doing OK, I got him enrolled into First Steps (early intervention program) and they are getting PT and DI out to work w/ him since he qualified. I also talked to his ped about signing up for disability b/c medicaid is already trying to get us to purchase ins. for him, I can't afford it on me let alone him, She highly recommended me sign him out. I really hate that I need to and it bothers me some, I guess just the fact he is technically being considered disabled, Anyone feel this way? I wouldn't sign him up but I can't afford any ins. My other kids started school today and last night while I was getting their school clothes out (I had them put away so they wouldn't get ruined) I noticed all the pant I got for my 10 year old were 12's (he's in 10's) OMG I can't believe I did that, him and my oldest are on dress code so now he has no pants and I can't take them back b/c all are bargain meaning bought at good will yard sales etc. (I can't afford new) Luckily they fitted my oldest but it still left him w/ out pants so off I went to walmart to purchase a pair of pant 15 bucks OUCH those things are expensive, Thankfully the other day I fount 10's at goodwill and bought them so that's another 2 pair so hopefully I'll find some more bargains soon b/c I'm on a very tight budget, School supplies that I didn't have alone cost me 60 bucks yesterday and that wasn't all they needed, so ridicules of what things cost anymore. My 5 year old went for his kindergarten round up this morn. Were I take him and he meets his teacher finds out if morn or afternoon class etc. Well it was me him and the 3 little ones age 2, 1 and almost 3 months, Well we get in there and guess what I notice....My shirt is on inside out LOL I'm sure I got some looks lol, then Ethan didn't want to hang his person we made up so my and the teacher was talking and I noticed Nevaeh wasn't beside me, I find her around the corner watching the school kids, I get her and go back to finish talking to the teacher, a few minits go by and I look at Levi then Christian then Ethan, But hey wait a minit were is Nevaeh....I ran up and down the halls screaming her name can't find her, I'm getting hysterical tears coming to my eyes., Teacher asks me who did I loose and I said my daughter she was just here so I go running screaming like a maniac again for her and the teacher says MAM CALM DOWN SHE'S ON YOUR HIP! I felt like a idiot I didn't even realize she was in my arm LOL After that I was done so we left to go get something to eat then to Goodwill to see if I can find some more pants Well I go to pay for our food and the lady say mom we can't accept this and I say what do you mean it's a debit card, she says no mam we don't accept food stamps OMG I am going crazy So after that I went strait home lol What A wild day!

Weight Update

Christian had a weight check today and is now a (drum roll please).........................A Whopping 6lbs 8oz I'm so proud LOL He is finally filling out his Preemie and Newborn clothes and has actually outgrown a few Preemie ones :) He still has allot of room to grow in some but there is a few he's finally fitting into allot better. He's now 8 weeks old and is going to be due for shots soon :( So he has a physical we need to get scheduled. He still has the sniffles he was better for a couple days but now sniffling again :( Me and the ped. discussed breastfeeding and pumping etc. b/c I have seen a decrease in my supply :( It's been hard to pump lately on schedule so that is possible a big role or I could be having a slow day. Anyway she has decided since Christian is stronger and his weight has been fantastic that it's now OK to start intoducing him to the breast every other feed or so. Give him 5-10 minits of trying and if he latches and does good great and if not that's fine to he is learning. And after still offer bottle. We tried earlier today and he did awesome he latched on great and nursed 10 min on each side. Wasn't the greatest but for him he did great. He also took an ounce and a half after and has been taking 2-21/2 oz I'm proud of him he is coming along way. I'm doing OK tiered allot as I don't get much sleep (comes w/ the mommy job lol) I go for my follow appt tomorrow at my OB I been feeling weak allot just typically drained feeling and I'm sure it's lack of sleep Over all I'm managing it. Today was the 1st day out w/ not having the older boys w/ me to help carry the little ones it was just me and the 4 little ones the oldest w/ me was 5 (acts like a 2 year old but going on 30 lol) SO it was a challenge but we did well. I so need a triple stroller I have a double but my hubby broke the latch and well it's old anyway so I need to invest in a triple it's just they are so expensive.

Eye Exam & Sniffles

Yesterday Christian had his eye doc appt. After we got there of course I had to stand b/c there was so many patients. I swear that place was huge and every chair was full and loads of people standing. If I had to guess atleast 100+ were there The first thought I had was and they told me to not take him to crowded places. ARRGGG we were there for about 3 hours or so :( His exam went good His eyes were Dilated and the doc looked at him. He said so far all is still looking great that all his vessels etc. are developing on target. He wants to see him back in 6 months or sooner if I notice any issues. Nevaeh my daughter started getting sick the other day w/ the sniffles runny nose etc. I have been constantly sanitizing. Unfortunately now Christian has the sniffles and is coughing now :( I feel so horrible. After Nevaeh started getting sick I started giving him fresh milk instead of the frozen b/c fresh is better especially now that I am exposed to the illness etc. I thought maybe it will help. I was using my oldest milk etc. But now she got sick Fresh is what I am giving him in hopes it will help him. He also had his weight check yesterday and Nevaeh had her physical too. So the doc gave her a inhaler to help her wheezing since she is being stubborn and won't use her nebulizer. No infections were found so that was good. As for Christian he sounded good and looked good. She told me to use saline drops and call her immediately if he gets worse and to keep what I am doing that he looked great. He is now up to 6lbs 1oz His sniffles aren't too bad but it scares me he will get sicker KWIM? Plus today is Christian's Due date LOL and my b-day so he is technically ready to be born although he had other plans :) Last night I was feeding him and looked down at him and Cracked up he was being naughty......I attached a pic of what he was doing HEEHEE silly boy!

Christian's Birth Announcement

I created Christian's Announcement today and thought I would share it!

Pedi. Appt.

We went in to see the pedi this morn. Christian's feeds has improved since our ER visit he takes anywere to 20-40mls and occasionaly he has took 45-55mls he's still somewhat sluggish otherwise better. I've took all the advice everyone has gave and tried it thanks to all :) His pedi agrees w/ me that maybe he is just adjusting to his new enviroment after all it's a BIG change considering he has so many more siblings lol. He has gained 4oz sice his discharge YAY he weighs 5lbs 9oz now and is 19in His exam looked great she said he looked good....she is getting all his tests from the ER visit to make sure she agrees that all looked OK.........We go back next week for a weight check and probly will continue to get weekly or every other week weight checks. Overall he seems to be doing much better.......Plus he is holding his temp allot better than before we have reached above 98 a few times hopefully he will keep it up :)

1st Trip to ER

Thursday when Christian got home he done well w/ his feeds, the next day (the 4th) he did OK he was sluggish and decreased some I just thought maybe he's tiered etc. he is transitioning in a new environment right? Well yesterday the 5th his feedings were decreasing more and more, when he left the hosp he was on a minimal 50ml every 3hrs and he could have what ever he wanted after that just as long as he got his 50 in. His feeds decreased so much he was only taking in anywhere from 10-20mls and occasionally he took 30 maybe one or two times a Little over that. Other than feeding issues he was doing OK alert etc. It still concerned me...Even what he did take in took him an hour just to get it down him. We thought maybe it was the nipples that maybe he got used to the Hosp ones. So I searched for one and thankfully fount one that was Nevaeh's I sterilized it and tried it but still he was so sluggish. So I called the pediatrician and she said take him to the ER for him to be evaluated. I took him in and they done blood work, X-rays, and cat scans. They wanted to make sure his shunt and blood was OK considering his history. So far all was good all his test came back OK SO they called up to the NICU he was at and the attending said for me to take him home and keep trying to feed him and watch him that if he gets worse come back to the ER to get him re-evaluated and first thing Monday make sure his ped sees him. I was pissed b/c my baby just isn't eating good and was worried he'll dehydrate or something. We came home and have been working w/ him all night every 2-3 hours we try and feed him so far one feed he got the full 50ml the others anywhere from 20-30. Is it possible he's missing the NICU after all he was in there 40 days I'm sure he got used to the staff (just a thought) He's still wetting his diapers etc he is alert and all just feeding has slacked. It's really worrying me

Christian is HOME!!!

After a long wait Thursday for Christian to be discharged and a long drive we are finally home! Christian is doing OK as for me I guess you can say as OK as I can be. I constantly check his temp I am so afraid he is going to get cold. They told me to watch his temp b/c the side of his brain that has been damaged is in the area that controls your temp so in his case he gets cold easy. they said his lips may turn BLUE to I'm like now you tell me. So that is one thing that is driving me insane. I'm keeping his hat on him and have him in warm sleepers, a onsie, socks, wrapped up in 2 receiving blankets plus 1-2 soft blankets and so far his temp has only reached 97.9 and has dropped to 96.3 once but under his other arm it was 97 so not sure on that one. So I guess you can say I am trying to keep him comfy lol they said as long as his temp is 97 or higher then that's OK. I'm so afraid to Bath him b/c he might get too cold. I'm afraid I'll go to sleep and wake up and he will have his covers kicked off him and he will get too cold. It's really scary.....I'm usually scared I'll over heat them b/c that's a SIDS Risk factor (not to over heat your baby) but w/ him I'm scared he'll freeze. Other than that it's just all the other scares like will I over sleep and he'll miss a feeding, mixing his neosure wrong in his BM, he'll get sick like a cold or something etc. I'm doing ok other wise just the basic mommy worries We've developed a new routine lol feed baby cuddle longer if he wants after feeding, Lay baby down, pump, rest or tend to other things for 1-2 hours then start back over lol The other kids just Love him Especially Levi my 2 year old he's already give him loads of kisses :) He thinks he can play his game boy to so he's been trying to give baby the game :) Nevaeh my daughter is still hesitant but you can tell she loves him she's gave him loves already and held him :) she also likes to peep at him in his crib. Austin my oldest is out of town w/ my parents to Alabama so he hasn't got home yet, Isaiah, Nigel and Ethan just adore him. Isaiah done informed me no bully will ever pick on Christian b/c he will beat them up lol He said this after I showed him how you could see his shunt and tubing (He had asked to see) so he's already protective :)

Off To Hospital

I'm getting ready to go to the Hosp. to get my baby boy I am so nervous, excited, axious, scared all in one. Christian gained another 70 grams thats like 2 oz I think YAY Way to go my baby boy! He had to do the car seat trace again b/c they have to do them with in 24hrs of going home and he Passed again. I sure hope I'm ready for this It's been a LONG 40 days in the NICU.....Wish me luck!

Going home Plan!!!

Christian's nurse called me to inform me they are planning on sending him home tomorrow He gained 1 1/2 oz's they want to monitor him one more night and recheck his weight to make sure all is good. She told me to try and be up at the hosp around 11ish so we can get everything sorted threw etc. I'm more comfy a little I think but still terrified. I'm excited to bring him home and be able to cuddle him and just love him but it's so scary to It's just so differant w/ him than the others and I know it's b/c he was so early and has had so much happen in his little life all ready. Also the Lactation called me to see how pumping is going and to make sure I was going to be able to continue to pump b/c we can't exclusivly breast feed yet b/c he needs extra callories right now so we have to put neosure in his milk to give him an extra 27 cal. Plus he is considered a "Special Needs" Baby and it can be more dificult nursing him compared to any other baby. Not that it's impossible it's just going to take more time and patience when we are able to put him to the breast. Anyway she is making sure WIC will cover me w/ my pump Thank God b/c I was affraid I wouldn't be able to pump if I had to return it after he was discharged. I'm still considering purchaseing one tho that way if he does finaly get to exclusivle BF then I will have a pump thats mine for those times I need a brake. So I will still be looking for one. Anyway I'll let everyone know tomorrow if he makes it home this time around lol.

No Baby yet :(

Turns out Christian will not be coming home today. After the docs looked over his weight history they don't feel he has gained a good amount to convince them he is going to continue to grow good. In one week he lost 6oz and the last 2 days he has only gained 15 grams (not even an oz) back. So instead of sending him home and taking the risk of him having to come back they have decided it's in his best interest to keep him there maybe a few more days just to see what he is going to do. Plus his temp got down to 96.5 and they want him to be 97 or more, I noticed his hat was off and babies loose more heat threw their head so we got him good and bundled put his hat back on fed him and rechecked his temp and it was 97.3 so considering that to they want to make sure he isn't going to relapse and have to be placed back under the heat so they will be monitoring his temp more. As for me I am actually OK w/ this I know he is safer there and I just didn't feel ready also. I know he can't stay there forever but I want to make sure I'm not going to bring him home and something happen to him so I think a few more days in the NICU won't hurt and he may benifit more from it to and it gives me more time to adjust to the Fact he is coming home very soon. He is doing great tho they are increasing his Neosure calorie that they put in his breast milk to 27 cal. before they had it at 24 so maybe that will help him plump up :) he weighs 5 pounds exactly right now they did his hearing test and he passed he has had 2 eye exams and passed those and he passed his car seat trace so he is doing OK just got to get these few issues taken care of.

Tomorrow!!!!

If all goes well Christian will be coming home Tomorrow. I will be taking his carseat up tonight for them to do a carseat trace were they place him secure in the seat and they monitor his sats for the aprox. time he will be in the car going home which is about an hour. If he passes it and every thing goes smoothly tonight he will be home sometime tomorrow. OMG is all I can say I have been a nervous wreck today since the nurse told me. I been cleaning and sanitizing everything. Went shopping to get things I know I don't have for him and need I so don't feel ready completly but then again who ever does have every thing ready? I'm so nervous I have so many worries and I'm so afraid I'll be to overprotecting of him to the point will I be able to focus and Just enjoy him? I bought the HUGEST bottle of hand sanitizer and done informed the kids you better not touch the baby unless hands are clean lol I know that sounds mean but I am so afraid he will get sick or something. I don't think I was ever this way w/ the other kids but then again I could of been but not this severe KWIM? I know allot of people are going to want to come over and Visit and well half of these people if not more hasn't offered no help what so ever since he has been born. They basically just want to come see him and make it all about them (just my opinion) Only very few people has helped or offered any help at all and that's My Best Friend, mine and James parents and one of my sisters. Not many at all. Not that I'm complaning but I've had so many calls of people wanting to know when he was coming home and saying Well he's going to be grow before anyone sees him and just being rude. Well were he's a preemie plus has had Surgery and everything else going on I've done been told by the nurse limit visitors and no going to crowded places. Only allow those that has been there for you durring this time and close family and friends to come over and for all the others tell them they have to Wait. She said she would tell them one day out of a week I'll have a Window viewing were I'll bring the baby to the window to let everyone see him LOL I hate to make people mad but I want to do what's best for him.

Almost......

Christian is near his end of his NICU stay He is doing so well now, Finally he gave up the heat they said as long as his temp is 97.0 or more he is fine to stay out of heat they said considering his Damage to his Brain 97 would be good enough. So he has finally started maintaining his temp YAY. The next issue is weight he lost 6 ounces :( so they increased his calorie intake putting Neosure in his Breast milk and finally last night he lost no weight YAY and tonight he gained 5 grams not much but he did gain so maybe in the next couple days or so they will send him home. I'm excited but terrified I know I'll be a nervous wreck. I'll post soon when we know whats happening thank you all for your prayers and support threw such a difficult time I can't thank you all enough (((HUGS)))

Taking All Bottles :)

It's been 2days now that Christian has took all his bottles (YAY) It feels like such an acomplishment for him and makes me so proud. Hopefully he will no longer have his feeding tube in his little nose soon. They tried to wean him of the heat yesterday but that didn't go over to well w/ him (I think he is dreaming of a FL vacation laying out in the sun lol) he got cold so they said they will try and let his body adjust more from all the changes and try again in a couple days. It's funny b/c he was controling his own temp before he started going down hill but they said it was normal b/c of what his body has went threw w/ the fluid on his brain and now the shunt along w/ every thing else. Hopefully he will come off the heat soon. Well I am off to the hosp. hope everyone is doing good

An Emotional Day :(

Today is my Son Lucas' fourth Angel day and it's really hard especially right now b/c Christian is in the Hosp. I miss my baby Lucas so much he should be 4 years old and just as mischievous as his brothers, I sit and wonder many times of how it would be if he was still here w/ us what would be different? I don't think this pain ever truly goes away you just have your days that it's not hurting as bad and then you have days like this that remind you of what you have lost and it hurts it hurts so bad. I still ache to hold him again to smell that sweat baby smell and to here his cute giggle that was just so cute. I miss how we would cuddle in the recliner late at night and I would sing to him OH how he loved to be sung to especially Amazing Grace and Hush Little Baby. I miss reading him his bed time stories and how he would look up at me w/ the biggest smile. I just miss my baby sorry to vent I'm just having an emotional day and needed to share :(
Happy Angel Day my sweat Angel Lucas Mommy misses you

SO much

Surgery update!

Hi everyone sorry it's took me a little bit to update on Christian I been so busy at the NICU this weekend and so tired from all that has happened. Well Christian went threw his Surgery really well they thought it would take 1-2 hours but they had him done in 30 minits they said it went so well that they had him done faster than what they thought :) We waited for about 30 minits to an hour before we got to see him b/c his nurse had to get him all cleaned up. When we got in there he looked good considering he had surgery. his head measurement had went down a half a centimeter after surgery he was on the ventilator to. He was doing well the rest of the day then he started dropping his Heart rate and his oxygen stats started dropping his color was changing the nurse had to give him loads of oxygen then he was fine but not long later he did it again. Finally he calmed down and it was shift change so I had to leave for an hour but I sure didn't want to He scared me to death. I called James who had already went home and told him I was spending the night b/c I couldn't leave him. I got back in after shift change and apparently he acted up during the whole time. He started again while me and the nurse were talking she ran to get the doc and I kept stimulating him and giving him a pep talk lol He calmed down before the doc got in there and the doc said to watch him and if he did it again let him know. I sat there all night and he behaved till about 4am and acted back up again. Finally they got him back stable...They were thinking it may be from were he is on the vent and were his body is adjusting to all that fluid coming off his head. Well they had a new baby arriving so I had to leave the room and it was close to shift change so I went ahead and bring the van home and had my mom and dad bring me back to the hosp. I called before I got there and he had been took off the vent but he was having loads of HR drops she said it could be from were he was just taken off the vent b/c he was holding his oxygen but if he continued they were going to give him oxygen. By the time I got there he was doing better not many HR drops. He looked allot better to his head looked funny tho b/c of were the fluid was draining they said his plates may over lap eventually but at that time one side was smaller than the other. He done good threw out Sat. only a few HR drops but held his oxygen and feeds were started and he was doing well w/ that so they stopped his IV fluids. So I Had James come get me so I could come home and rest since he was doing OK. I went back this morning and I was so amazed at how he looked his head looked so much better he was alert and awake and even smiling :) His nurse tried him on a bottle but he didn't do very well. I did get to try him w/ the bottle and he sucked the whole bottle and I got to hold and cuddle him for the first time since his surgery :) He only had 2 HR drops while I was there and dropped his oxygen 1X but it was just after his diaper change too. He was a little jittery and shivery but they said probably from the surgery b/c his body is adjusting still but overall he is doing GREAT. Thank you all for your prayers I hope this puts him on a fast track to recovery.

Christian’s Big Day TOMORROW

It's been confirmed Christian has no Infection they said the first cultures were coming back staph which everyone has on their skin so somehow his fluid got contaminated w/ his skin. These last cultures are clean as a whistle so they can proceed w/ the surgery. They are going to go ahead and continue the antibiotics just b/c he is having the surgery, he has to get blood today b/c his blood count is low again but they said we are all set for tomorrow. I am so glad maybe this will help him get better and on the right track to a complete recovery. Thank you all for your continued prayers We so appreciate it and can't thank you enough. I'll re post how things went when I get the chance.

A Plan

Just got off the phone w/ the hosp. Christian is not doing well he is now Lethargic but stable he is holding his stats but he is so weak his little head has filled back up w/ fluid :( I feel so bad for him and I can't do anything but pray. The neurosurgeon came in to check him out and here is the plan as long as his cultures come back tomorrow that there is no infection they will proceed w/ Shunt Fri. they will be doing a Cat scan also tomorrow so that they have a map so to speak of his head to help them threw surgery. Please keep us in prayer these next few days that everything will go as plan

Bad Night-Good Day

Monday night was a horrible night for Christian he cried and cried and cried all night the nurse tried everything possible from cuddling to pain meds to sooth him. His head was filling up w/ the CSF fluid by the minit and I am sure he had a headache. I called numerous times to check on him and couldn't sleep myself knowing he was over there in pain and I wasn't w/ him :( Finally around 7am the docs called and as you know that is going to scare you to DEATH they were concerned b/c his head has filled back up so fast w/ the fluid and he was in so much pain. So the surgeon decided he was going to do another Ventricular tap plus they needed more Fluid to send off to make sure he doesn't have an infection around his brain anyway b/c they can't place his shunt if he does have, they just was hopeing to wait another day or two but considering Christian's situation they were not going to wait. I had to go to town anyway (were Christian is at) so I didn't want to take the kids that way I could go see him and cuddle him b/c he had me so worried. So my mom offered to come sit w/ the Kids YAY lol SO I get there finally and OMG he looked so good his head didn't look like an alien lol like his dad said it had been looking like so to speak lol he was so peaceful calm and not in pain. He was moving around color looked good and he was SMILING. They also had started his feeds back and guess what he was sucking from a bottle not the greatest but he was trying.After I got home later that night I called to check on him and unfortunately his head was filling back up and the Docs were amazed by how fast it was. They did say so far all his cultures were looking good and looks like he may not have an infection so the plan is if confirmed no infection w/ in the next day or so they are planning on proceeding w/ the shunt. I just can't wait till we get him off this roller coaster and get him on a fast track of recovery. I'm going to be old and gray by the time he comes home I have worried so much.

Doc Calls

I actually was w/ my kids Ped. today and we were discussing Christian when one of his docs called and they wanted to informed me that his CSF (Spinal Fluid) cultures they sent off 2 out of 3 were abnormal and were growing bacteria, they said it's possible contamination but considering 2 out of 3 not sure. Until they find out what infection it may be or that it is contamination they aren't going to play around so they immediately started 2 STRONG antibiotics and he will be on them possibly 7-21 days, It's just horrible I hate all this and there is nothing I can do for him I'm hoping it's just contamination b/c these types of infection aren't something I want him to have. My ped said it's possible meningitis and right now w/ all going on he is so venerable. It just seems like one bad thing after another I just don't know what to do or think anymore I am so worried about him and I am so affraid of what is going to happen next.

Christian's weekend

Christian had a really rough weekend, Sat me and James met up w/ him neurologist and he explained to us what had happened to Christian, Basically there has been numerous docs looking at him and all the test and it has been confirmed by all them he did have a STROKE. Sometime in utero around just before he was born they think all this happened. He said it wasn't a little stroke it was a BIG one. It has damaged about a golf ball size of his brain so considering his size that's a good size. I asked if he also had the IVH bleed to and said that the bleed come from the stroke but it was like a IVH bleed but his bleed was more severe than the typical IVH. We still won't know what will be affected but he believes possibly vision to some extint and some stiffness and maybe trouble moving fingers, he said he may have trouble in school etc. It;s to hard to say right now. They are definitely going to put in the shunt possible sooner than thought b/c his had has enlarged so much it's at 34 cm right now that's like 13 1/2 inches. I asked if this was common and he said yes and no as for him it is he has seen it in the NICU but as for the outside world no. SO that's pretty much what we all talked about. As for Christian Sat was a bad day, they attempted to do another spinal tap to relieve some pressure and didn't succeed. He also started having bloody stools so they stopped his feed to see why, they checked his bottom and nothing there so now they are looking into that. He was also low on blood so they had to transfuse him. He constantly cried b/c he was in pain all day I had to reposition him every 30 min to an hour to comfort him. His heart rate also was dropping but it would go right back up. Finally late that night after they were giving him the blood he settled down a little so instead of staying I went on home to try and rest. I called when I got home and he started acting back up his heart rate kept dropping and he was fussy. SO I felt so bad for leaving him and didn't get any rest. The next day Sun. I called before I was heading up and spoke to one of his docs and b/c of his pain and heart drops they talked to his surgeon and he wanted them to try the spinal tap one more time and if it was not successful to do a ventricular tap they spinal didn't work so they did a ventricular tap were they went threw his soft spot w/ a needle and drained it that way they succeeded and got like 20 cc YAY his nurse said that as they were draining it he relaxed as if it was the biggest relief. SO all day yesterday he slept I didn't even touch him much b/c he was feeling better and was resting. His heart rate drops were also less frequent. They had to lower his fluids b/c his sodium is low they said his body is hanging onto the fluid and his output is low so they lowered his fluids and are giving him some sodium to help. His protein in his spinal fluid is abnormally high they said that was normal b/c of the bleed so as the blood is braking down it's causing high protein. SO Sun he was feeling better we just got to get him lined out so they can put his shunt in. This morn when I called they are waiting on the surgeon to see what he wants to do plus calling other docs in to see why he had bloody stools. His nurse said compared to his weekend he is having a great morn. He is still hurting but seems to calm easily. Hopefully I have remembered most of it right now we are just waiting to see what the docs next plan is. Thanks you all for your support and prayers I so appreciate it.

My baby had a STROKE!

Went in yesterday and met up w/ his Pediatric Neurologist, They done an MRI to see exactly what was going on, He said that Christian had a Stroke and he believed it happened in utero, due to the stroke he will need the shunt b/c he developed the hydrocephalus but they will not be able to do the surgery right now b/c of the blood on his brain, so they have to let that heal and fall off. He said maybe a couple of weeks then they will place the shunt. What this means for Christian is still the same we won't know until he gets older as to what has been affected etc. I asked the doc how could of he had a stroke in utero? He said it's hard to say but based on the MRI and his examination it was a Stroke, it could be were the cord was wrapped around his neck or maybe I had a blood pressure issue that I was unaware of it is hard to say he said. I am kinda confused and have allot of questions now that I didn't have when I was talking w/ him so I will be asking him allot next time I see him.

Today I talked on the phone w/ Christian's nurse I am to meet up w/ his docs in the morning around 9-10 They want to discuss w/ me about his diagnosis etc. and a game plan of treatment.Christian hasn't had a good day today he is in pain from all the pressure from the hydro, so they decided to do a procedure that is were they do a spinal tap and drain some fluid so they can relieve the pressure. They did the spinal tap unfortunately they didn't get as much as they hoped they wanted to get 20 but only got 6 and that was w/ 2 pokes and they didn't want to poke him any more. She said she has given him Tylenol that he cried for about an hour and a half after the procedure...poor guy....but right now he seems more better. I asked her about the stroke and and she said that is what they are saying happened and it's one thing they want to discuss w/ me he had what they call a hemorrhagic stroke while in utero and that is what caused the bleed and hydro. I'm not sure of what all they are going to discuss but his nurse said basically what challenges he may face and his treatment options right now b/c he is in pain is some of the things we will be discussing.

Anyway I did do some research on this and for those that would like to kinda understand this better here is a link that I thought helped w/ explaining it some what http://www.strokesafe.org/resources/pediatric_stroke.html I'll let everyone know more when I talk to his doctors

Not so good news

Last night I went to see Christian and see what was going on b/c they didn't want to give me results over the phone. When I got there I held Christian till his doc got there. Finaly she arrived, right now the hydrocephalus isn't that bad and it's not realy their concern at the moment. The brain bleed he had significantly damaged his brain on his left side. There is so much damage there. I can't explain it like she did but she showed me his US pics and they were not the best pics to look at. She did say the bleed had stoped but the damage has been done. He has a 25 % chance of living a semi normal life. Right now it's hard to say what will be affected till he gets older he may develop CP (Cebral Palsy) it may be mild or it may be severe we won't know till he gets older. He has a chance of having seziors right now he hasn't had any. He hasn't been able to suck from a bottle anymore b/c he gets sick so he is being tube fed. I don't know the outcome to this but all I can do is pray that God will fix this so he can atleast be as normal as he can be. All I can do is cry I want to just curl up in a ball. It's so unfair, I am feeling allot of what I felt when I lost Lucas allot of that pain is so similar. Why my baby why him? I wish this was a dream so bad. I feel like I'm being punished I lost Lucas now this what have i done so wrong for this to happen. I'm one that loves my kids I don't do drugs, drink or anything. I go to church try to live my life the way God intends for us to do. I'm not a bad person atleast I don't think I am, So why my baby?

Results update

I finally got the call and it was one call I wish I didn't get, Christian's Bleed is significantly worse and hydrocephalus had begun, she said that there is blood within the brain itself and at this point there is possible damage occurring. They are transferring him to the other NICU a few blocks away and they are going to evaluate him and do more US and tests. She said they will probable put a temporary drain in to drain it till the hemorrhage stops so they can place the shunt. All I can do is cry, I can't be there to hold my baby and be there for him. It's so hard knowing your baby is this sick and you can't do anything about it. I'm blaming myself maybe I shouldn't but I can't help it. If I would still be preggers he would be safe inside me, but the doc did say considering how intense it is she wonders if this started in utero? Still I can't help but to blame me b/c my squirt is so sick. I'm just so scared and worried right now and feel like my head is just spinning. Please Pray for my little guy only God can fix this

Waiting for results

Yesterday I got to nurse Christian for the 1st time :) it was so different to me my other babies were so big compared to him I just felt like he was so fragile and I was going to brake him lol, We did good tho he isn't the greatest but he is still learning to Suck. The Doc came in while I was there and she said his soft spot was starting to bulge so she definitely wanted his head US done in the morn first thing. If it shows he is significantly worse she wants to transfer him to another Hosp that has a pediatric Neurosurgeon so he can monitor him better. We are still unsure as to what this is going to lead to. Hopefully it will all clear up and nothing will need to be done. She said if it isn't to bad then they will watch him there and keep repeating his US late in the week. So I am sitting here waiting for her to call me w/ the results and the wait is killing me. I would be right there w/ him if I could and it's so hard that I can't. SO the wait is just going to drive me insane. On the other hand he is doing great the nurse said this morn he is up to 4 pounds 1 ounce and that is good because the other day he lost half an ounce. Honestly tho I wasn't surprised lol and here is why, While I was changing his diaper Sat. as soon as I took it off he pooped all over the place and I mean every were lol it was projectile he shot the walls, window, floor, and me lol everything. His nurse said he did her the same way earlier and that his previous nurses did warn her lol apparently he is getting all his nurses he even almost got his neighbors lol Twin girls, So as soon as that diaper goes off you have to look out. He has got a total of about 6 nurses so far and is still being a little snot lol SO I actually wasn't surprised when they said he lost half an ounce, I told him if he kept doing that all the nurses aren't going to want him lol I got me a little Stinker!

Routine Head Ultrasound

Christian is now back up to 4 pounds exactly he is in a crib holding his own temp, the antibiotics have been stopped and no longer has an IV, his hand is better from the infection from the IV, they are feeding him from bottle every other feed to learn him to suck, They did a head US yesterday and finaly the doc called me today they were hoping I would of came in but w/ my little ones at home I wasn't able to so he gave me the results over the phone, Christian has a Grade 3 bleed on the left side of his brain I am not completely sure what all this means since it is hard to explain over the phone w/ out the docs basicly drawing it out for you, he said he will be doing another Head US mon or Tues. and see were we go from there he said it may lead to a shunt but it's hard to say at this point but they will be Closely watching him. He said when I come in tomorrow to make sure to ask for one of the docs so they can come over and explain it all better to me. Also he mentioned they are going to get physical therapy in and start working w/ him. He said that they don't worry to much on Grade 1 and 2 but 3 and 4 can lead to more serious things causing dammage. Anyway this has realy upseted me and has me SCARED to death...I am putting all my strength in God but it's so hard I tend to think the worst and just can't help it. Thanks for all the prayers and please continue to pray, Christian has alread acomplished so much and I beleive he can this to.

Late night Call from doctor

This morning I got a call at 4:30 A.M. I saw on the caller ID it was the Hospital.....My heart stopped and went to my stomach. I instantly picked the phone up. It was Christian's Doc, He was calling to inform me he was getting Sick, Aparently the antibiotics he is on was not responding and his skin got modeled, he was not very active and was just getting realy sick. His IV in his Left hand also got infected causing his arm and hand to significantly swell. The doc said he was starting new antibiotics and a cream for his hand and that even tho he is not showing signs of needing oxygen threw his nasal pap (I think is what it was called) that his stats were staying 100% that hewas going to go ahead and give him a little oxygen just to help him out. Well after getting off the phone I instantly started crying woke James up and explained things to him threw all my sniffels. He assured me Christian will be fine and remined me of what God has done for us and that he is being taken care of. He still wanted to call the NICU tho just to make sure all was OK and that he was Stable and that it wasn't uncommon in preemies for this to happen. So he called them and talked to his Nurse. So far he was stable etc. and James I am sure eased his mind.
I drove on up later this Morn while James stayed w/ the babies, When I got there I almost cryed. The nurse said he was actualy doing better than he was. They ran allot more test etc. And while I was there they took him of the billy lights b/c his Jaundice level was OK and they also took him off the nasal pap since he was holding his oxygen at 100% The tape irritaed his little Jaws tho but she said that should go down in a couple of days. So they are going to watch him and see if he keeps his levels down and keeps his stats up. He also hasn't had any apnea episodes so i think the caffiene may be doing the trick. He is still weak but while I was there he actualy started wiggling around, he didn't cry when they poked him but did wimper a little later when it was getting close to feeding time. His weight now is 3 pounds 9 oz. Ans so far he is still tolerating his feeds and each feeding they are increasing 1cc as long as he is tolerating them so well. He is up to 9cc when I left :) I didn't get to hold him today since he got so sick he needed his rest but I am glad I got to spend some time w/ him I hadn't seen him Since Wends. when I got released.
I did get in trouble tho by about 4 nurses and the baby beside Christians Mom lol......The nurse asked me if I drove up which is like about an hour drive. I said yes and every one gasped and said that I am not to be driving that you would be surprised by how many stomach muscles you use and I am to take it easy for 4-6 weeks and heal. She said that she actualy has seen moms be readmitted b/c the sutures inside busted open b/c they were doing to much and had to be packed etc. I realy wasn't aware of this but I told them I should be fine. I did notice I was in more pain but didn't think much of it b/c I didn't take any pain meds so I could drive. But what am I suposed to do there is not many that will help. I have to take care of the little ones so James can work and the weekend will probly be the only time I can actualy go visit him and James will keep the kids. Hopfully all that I am doing won't cause no harm but I am trying to take it easy but w/ a 1 and 2 year old thats not easy. Well I have written a novel hope all is well w/ everyone and please continue to keep us in your prayers.

Christian is here!!!

It's been a rough couple of weeks.....On the 20th of May James stayed home from work so I could go to the hospital b/c I was contracting. Turned out I was 1cm dilated My doc came and got me took me down stairs to the office and did a trans vaginal US to see the cervical length and it was 2.8 cm so it was shortening. I got back upstairs at the labor hall They were trying to stop the contractions but they kept coming back. I had been back no more than an hour when the doc come back to check on me. He checked my cervix again and I was dilated to 2 So he was concerned I may be trying to deliver the baby so sent me to Central Baptist Hosp were they had a NICU in case. They managed to stop my labor and give me the steroid shots for the baby's lungs just in case. Finally on Friday the 23rd I was off all meds and no contractions, baby looked good and cervix hadn't changed so they sent me home. I laid around and took it easy Sat. the 24th I felt weired my lower back ached and I was feeling some pressure so I took my meds they sent me home w/ to take if I felt labor pains. I told James I was going to lay down for awhile. But every few minits I had to go to the restroom. Finally after getting up like the 20th time around 11:30 p.m. My WATER BROKE! I yelled at James he came running and I told him to call 911 I managed to make it to the living room and Layed in the floor till the ambulance arrived. The operator had James scared to death they were having him get blankets and everything just in case. They told him to get a shoe string and when he finaly fount one Austin yelled out there's the ambulance he threw that shoe string and took off getting it down the steps to let them in LOL As I was getting on the stretcher the ambulance guy told me to roll to my left side and as I did I hit him right in the Jaw w/ my hand LOL I felt so bad but he said that it was fine heehee. Well they get me to the hosp and they confirm it was my waters and I was still dialated 2. They call my doc he has them give me a dose of meds to stop my labor till they can get me back to Central Baptist. Another ambulace team came wich was the same ones I had last time they transferred me lol They rushed me up to the other hosp. The doc there continued to give me the meds to keep my labor stopped till the next morn. He came in that Sun morn and did a US baby looked OK but he said I had leaked all the water out. He decied to stop giving me the meds an if I went into labor he would deliver I had the steroid shots so that was a plus. He said if I didn't go into labor and as long as baby and me looked good he would let us hang out there till I was 34 weeks which that would of been 9 days later, then he would induce me, No labor started and baby and me looked good so they let me up to take a shower and took me to another room and only hooked me up to monitor a couple times a day or if I felt like I needed to be. I kept telling the nurse my back was aching and I felt bad they kept putting it off till it was there schedualed time well I hadn't felt the baby in a little while so they finaly hooked me back up. James had already gone back home so my mom and dad could take a brake. The first few minits things looked OK I was having contractions but then the baby's heart rate dropped Nurses came running put me on my side finaly after a few minits his heart rate went back up but was going up to high. Doc rushed in and checked me my cervix still no change and baby was crashing so he rushed me to the OR and delivered my precious boy by an emergency c section. Baby's cord was wrapped around his kneck and I had a strange big blood clot on the out side of my uterus that the doc didn't understand why was there. He sent the placenta off to a pathologist. James didn't arive in time but that was OK Our baby was out and safer than he was in. He was delivered at 10:36 p.m Sunday May 25th, 2008 weighing 4 pounds 5 ounces and 16 3/4 inches
Christian is doing good he is 4 days old now I got to come home yesterday and hate that I can't be w/ him but I know he is in good hands. He know weighs 3lbs 12.7 oz He is doing good except got a little Juandice but today his level looked better so they have him on a less stronge of a light. He also developed Brachicardia (Apnea were his heart rate is dropping) they said it wasn't uncommon in preemies and he should out grow it. They started him on Caffine today to help treat it and so far all is going well.
Well Thats a big update lol I hope everyone is doing good and Please Keep us in your prayers as we get threw these next few rough weeks.