Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Not so good news

Last night I went to see Christian and see what was going on b/c they didn't want to give me results over the phone. When I got there I held Christian till his doc got there. Finaly she arrived, right now the hydrocephalus isn't that bad and it's not realy their concern at the moment. The brain bleed he had significantly damaged his brain on his left side. There is so much damage there. I can't explain it like she did but she showed me his US pics and they were not the best pics to look at. She did say the bleed had stoped but the damage has been done. He has a 25 % chance of living a semi normal life. Right now it's hard to say what will be affected till he gets older he may develop CP (Cebral Palsy) it may be mild or it may be severe we won't know till he gets older. He has a chance of having seziors right now he hasn't had any. He hasn't been able to suck from a bottle anymore b/c he gets sick so he is being tube fed. I don't know the outcome to this but all I can do is pray that God will fix this so he can atleast be as normal as he can be. All I can do is cry I want to just curl up in a ball. It's so unfair, I am feeling allot of what I felt when I lost Lucas allot of that pain is so similar. Why my baby why him? I wish this was a dream so bad. I feel like I'm being punished I lost Lucas now this what have i done so wrong for this to happen. I'm one that loves my kids I don't do drugs, drink or anything. I go to church try to live my life the way God intends for us to do. I'm not a bad person atleast I don't think I am, So why my baby?

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