An Unexpected Loss :(

The morning of the 22nd at around 6 am Christian woke up wanting his bottle. I got up and used the bathroom feeling OK, I went on and got his bottle ready and then went and got Christian out of bed. We came to the living room as we usually do and I sat down in my computer chair. It was no more than 5 minits and I felt a warm wetness run down my legs. I looked and saw blood. James was asleep on the couch, I instantly hollered at him, He ran over w/ a scared look on his face. I some how remained calm. I knew it was not good but I was calm. I had him get Christian and there was a towel laying in the floor so I wrapped it around my bottom and went to the bathroom. I was Gushing blood and the towel didn't even catch it all. I sat on the toilet then started to cry. I knew I was loosing my baby but I didn't want to accept it. The flow of the blood slowed down to like a spotting. I got up cleaned myself up and James was on the phone trying to find someone to watch the kids. We were having no luck so he wanted to call an ambulance. I told him no b/c the bleeding slowed way down and I thought I passed it all. I still wanted to go to the hospital in hopes that maybe it was nothing Major and that the baby was OK. Finally James got a hold of my mom and left to go pick her up. He came back about 30 minits later. By that time the bleed was coming back but not to bad. It was like I was having a period. We got in the van and off we went. No ,more than 5 minits passed and just after we passed the rail road tracks I started gushing. It was so bad. I don't remember much but telling James if I die to take care of the Kids. I was in and out of it on the way to the hospital. He said I was talking out of my head. I do remember James getting me out of the van and putting me in a wheel chair. I looked in my van and saw all the blood and huge blood clots and started crying. He wheeled me into the hospital were they were trying to get me to fill papers out I remember James yelling at them she is bleeding to death get her back there now. There was trails of blood from my van all the way into the ER. A nurse ran out and took me back while James registered me. I don't remember much but telling them they weren't taking my baby w/ out proof. I was crying and in and out of conscious. Everything is a blur. They had to do a emergency D&C When I woke I was in shock I didn't know what to think. James said all my color was gone I was so pale, so whitish gray looking that my lips didn't even have color. James said I was bleeding so bad it was like the excorist he said Huge clots as big as a watermelon was coming out. He said he thought he was going to loose me. They said I was very lucky to be alive I lost over half my blood. I was given 4bags of blood and they said I was still anemic. I was in the hospital for 4 nights. I am still very weak and numb I am so sad and I just don't know what I am supposed to be feeling right now. I was just starting to get excited about this baby. It hurts so bad. It's like I'll be OK for a moment then it hits me. My doctor said they sent every thing off to the pathologist hopefully we will find out what happen. I'm so weak and in pain right now that I just don't know what to do.