An Unexpected Loss :(

The morning of the 22nd at around 6 am Christian woke up wanting his bottle. I got up and used the bathroom feeling OK, I went on and got his bottle ready and then went and got Christian out of bed. We came to the living room as we usually do and I sat down in my computer chair. It was no more than 5 minits and I felt a warm wetness run down my legs. I looked and saw blood. James was asleep on the couch, I instantly hollered at him, He ran over w/ a scared look on his face. I some how remained calm. I knew it was not good but I was calm. I had him get Christian and there was a towel laying in the floor so I wrapped it around my bottom and went to the bathroom. I was Gushing blood and the towel didn't even catch it all. I sat on the toilet then started to cry. I knew I was loosing my baby but I didn't want to accept it. The flow of the blood slowed down to like a spotting. I got up cleaned myself up and James was on the phone trying to find someone to watch the kids. We were having no luck so he wanted to call an ambulance. I told him no b/c the bleeding slowed way down and I thought I passed it all. I still wanted to go to the hospital in hopes that maybe it was nothing Major and that the baby was OK. Finally James got a hold of my mom and left to go pick her up. He came back about 30 minits later. By that time the bleed was coming back but not to bad. It was like I was having a period. We got in the van and off we went. No ,more than 5 minits passed and just after we passed the rail road tracks I started gushing. It was so bad. I don't remember much but telling James if I die to take care of the Kids. I was in and out of it on the way to the hospital. He said I was talking out of my head. I do remember James getting me out of the van and putting me in a wheel chair. I looked in my van and saw all the blood and huge blood clots and started crying. He wheeled me into the hospital were they were trying to get me to fill papers out I remember James yelling at them she is bleeding to death get her back there now. There was trails of blood from my van all the way into the ER. A nurse ran out and took me back while James registered me. I don't remember much but telling them they weren't taking my baby w/ out proof. I was crying and in and out of conscious. Everything is a blur. They had to do a emergency D&C When I woke I was in shock I didn't know what to think. James said all my color was gone I was so pale, so whitish gray looking that my lips didn't even have color. James said I was bleeding so bad it was like the excorist he said Huge clots as big as a watermelon was coming out. He said he thought he was going to loose me. They said I was very lucky to be alive I lost over half my blood. I was given 4bags of blood and they said I was still anemic. I was in the hospital for 4 nights. I am still very weak and numb I am so sad and I just don't know what I am supposed to be feeling right now. I was just starting to get excited about this baby. It hurts so bad. It's like I'll be OK for a moment then it hits me. My doctor said they sent every thing off to the pathologist hopefully we will find out what happen. I'm so weak and in pain right now that I just don't know what to do.

Up Up And AWAY!!!!!!

(Waiting Patiently NOT!!!)

Sat. was a big day for my 3 oldest boys (Austin, Isaiah, & Nigel) Our local airport has a program for children that they do 2X a year. It's called The Young Eagles, Children are given a Free airplane ride. This was our first year participating, I was so glad I fount out about it as I didn't get to do anything w/ them b/c of Christian being born early and been so sick this Summer. So I felt this would be a GREAT Experience for them. They rode the plane together and had a BLAST! I had Austin take a Camera and he took some pics but mostly of his self LOL They were up in the air aprox. about 20+ minits. Austin sat in Front and Actually got to steer the plain a Little! It was priceless to see their Smiles as they were Walking Back.

(Nigel Looking out)

(Isaiah all Proud)

(Austin probably thinking HAHA I got the Front Seat LOL)

(One of the scenery pics Austin Took)

(Their Back!)

(Safe & Sound)

NICU Graduate Clinic Follow Up

Thursday Christian had a follow up appt. at the NICU Graduate Clinic. I expected them to say the worst as that's what I seem to always expect any more. Amazingly it went really well, Christian saw one of the doctors who took care of him in the NICU and well this is the one that said the worst. She said he may never walk, talk etc. basically the worst any parent could ever hear about their child. When she examined Christian she was so amazed of how well he's doing. She said she didn't expect to see him doing this well, that I was doing a great job. She come back to his room 3X just to see him b/c she was so surprised. She also had to take him and show him off. She was glad I went ahead and got him enrolled into the early intervention program instead of waiting. He gets DI 1X a week and PT 1X every other week. Considering Christian's history and right now his brain needs to be learned and all his motor areas need to be more focused on. The doctor and their PT wants him to up is PT to 1X a week. Christian has gotten a little stiff but something not uncommon in preemies we just don't want to neglect those areas especially w/ him. I have noticed some decrease here lately in his right side, one thing I was aware that may happen. I'm trying to get a hold of his PT right now to push for his therapies, Still no luck. I'm going to think positive for my child, He's come this far and he's already showed the docs he's no quiter but he is a FIGHTER!

Baby # 9....Peanut in the Making!

I went in for my 1st OB Appt. Today for Baby # 9, It went really well. I've been Spotting for this Last week and was concerned, especially after going to the ER and they done a Ultrasound and heart rate was 95 so it was low and they considered I was possibly having a Miscarriage. Today My OB Doc did another US and baby looks Great, My Little Peanut's HR was at 124 so all looked good I'm due around Christian's 1st B-day lol. He said for me to take it easy for theses next 4 weeks ( Easier said than Done LOL ) I talked to him about my delivery w/ Christian and all. He looked threw all the paper work and there was no indication why he was born. The Pathology report on the placenta was OK basically we may never know. He said I have a increased Chance of 30 - 40% to have this baby Early too, B/C of my History and now Having Christian as early as I did. He said when I hit the 2ND Trimester I'll be CLOSELY WATCHED. I may also need another C-Section He said he won't recommend me Laboring Long b/c it's only been 5 months now and I'm Technically not completely back to Normal, Not to Mention this is the 9Th baby so my Uterus is really Weak so there is a good Chance now that there is Previous scar tissue that my uterus won't be able to handle labor. So we will have to wait and see how that works out. He's OK w/ me having Vaginal just doesn't want it prolonged. He said if I come in dilated 6 or that my Labor is going OK and no indication of any Rupture happening then he's OK trying a VBAC but he doesn't want my body in to much distress and me rupturing my uterus. It would be different if this was my 2ND baby but this is my 9Th so that has to be played into consideration. We will wait and see what happens after all I'm only 7 weeks so we have time to discuss it later on.


(Little Peanut Baby # 9)


Everyone else is doing good, The bigger kids are in School doing there thing each day (being typical boys lol) Levi goes for his preschool screening the 20Th he's talking some more but here lately he's going back to his screaming and whining lol. Nevaeh is a HAM she is my Girl and Knows it she is so ROTTEN! Christian is doing Good, He got his 1st Synagis shot on the 9Th, We didn't get the bladder test done b/c my Van broke down :( We are rescheduled for the 27Th. He goes to the NICU Graduate Clinic this Wednesday. He's now finally reached 11pounds! He's still little but catching up slowly.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day Oct. 15th

Remembering all our Precious Babies
I miss you Lucas your forever in my Heart 3-4-04 ~ 6-24-04 Forever 3 months and 20 days.

Every Good & Perfect Gift Comes From Above James 1:17...

Home from the Hospital!

Christian got to come home Monday, he had a bad UTI and they said when babies this young get infections it can be a sign something is up w/ his Kidneys. The Ultrasound of his kidneys came back OK, but we go back the 9th or a bladder test to see if he's refluxing. Untill we find out the results he stays on antibiotics. Thankfully we had already had a shot of the antibiotic before being put in the hospital, that gave him a good start. They kept him on IV meds and his urine cultures looked good so the meds done their job. After 24hrs of no sign of fever we got to come home.

It's funny it's like I have a new child lol, he feels so much better, playful, has his appetite back, and just so happy. Thanks for all the prayers