What a Holiday!

We have had a few scary days :( This last couple of weeks I noticed Christian's head seemed bigger and his soft spot seemed to be getting larger. He had a appt on the 25th so I just waited till then. Since he was acting OK, he was playing and cooing and eating OK. His pediatrician confirmed my suspicion his head had increased a little over 2 inches with in a month and his soft spot was big. So off to Children's ER I went w/ him as that is were the neurosurgeon' s told us to go. Upon arrival they immediately got him into radiology. After that with an hour he was having emergency Surgery. His Shunt was malfunctioned and his ventricles were so swollen his eyes wasn't looking upward (an indication serious) They said there was no way they could wait as if they did all the fluid build up could push his brain out and Kill him. That they had to take him in right away. I was terrified and didn't know what to do. James was trying to get there. I was all alone and so scared. Finally after waiting for over an hour the surgeon came out and said surgery went great. The tubing that was in the brain ventricles was clogged. They replaced it w/ new tubing and sent the old one off for pathology report. After 2 hours we finally got to go back in recovery by that time James arrived. We were in recovery for 4 hours b/c he had a rough start after surgery w/ bad heart rate drops and his eyes were leaning to the sides. Finally he started doing great and was moved to the floor and did great over night and the following morning and evening and was sent home. We are now home and resting. I am so glad I took him when I did, I just wish I would of took him sooner but he was acting OK and normal. I feel horrible b/c I think of what could of happened if I hadn't taken him in. I know I shouldn't feel that way but can't help it. Please keep Christian in your thoughts for a fast recovery. They said he was OK to come home but I am terrified now, He's still sluggish on his feeds but he still so happy and playing (when he has Tylenol for the pain LOL) He has just amazed me so much...He sure is one tough Cookie!

Hope Everyone has a Great Thanksgiving, We will be spending it home as we don't want to get Christian out so soon after Surgery. One thing I'll be thankful for is my Baby Christian :)

It's been a rough few weeks, I've had to deal w/ so much since my loss from Family it unreal :( Unfortunately I have cut all ties to my sister. She has treated me horrible since my loss, all b/c I didn't call her while I was on my death bed. I didn't want to talk to anyone I was so distant I wanted to be left alone. She has sent me nasty texts and voice mail messages, and my son has been getting picked on at school by her daughter, she tells him it's all his fault etc. I have went to the school called and everything and nothing has been done, thankfully things has slowed down this last week lest just hope it stays that way so I can mourn my loss and stop dealing w/ every one's Drama.

As for the rest of the clan, their all doing good. I haven't been able to do much therapy myself w/ Christian lately but we are trying to get back on track w/ that. His therapist are still coming out every week. He is doing Great over all.

Nevaeh got her fingers cut the other day, she decided to get a can out of the trash and well one finger on each hand got cut. Unfortunately I had no vehicle b/c James took mine to work. I couldn't control the bleeding so had to call an Ambulance. They came out and got her all bandaged and bleeding controlled until my mom got there. Levi's speech therapist came and after my mom got there we went and took her to the hosp. She needed stinches but considering it was her finger tips and she would just tear them out the doc didn't want to do that so he glued them to get the bleeding to stop. Unfortunately one started back bleeding that night but after 2 days it's not bleeding no more. Poor thing can't stand to have her band aids off LOL!

Christian's Diagnosis :(

We just got home from Christian's appt a follow up on his arm were he isn't moving his right as much and it's a little stiff. His ped feels that it's b/c of his Stroke he had and he has developed CP in his right arm, as of right now it's mild and we are hoping it stays that way. So far his arm is the only thing affected, I'm crossing my fingers that it will stay that way. After all that has happened these past couple of weeks, going threw a miscarriage and almost dieing, this really isn't something I wanted to hear to say the least, I kinda knew it may be CP but hearing that my baby has CP makes it different. I'll take him no matter what and I'll ALWAYS LOVE HIM nothing will ever change that. It's just hard knowing he will be dealing w/ this for the rest of his life. I just pray that his will only stay Mild. He goes back for his 6 month follow up in a few weeks, He is up to 13 pounds finally and 24 inches! As for me well, I feel like the world is crashing down all around me. These past 5 years I have had so much heartache and pain in my life, but there has been so many amazing happy rewarding ones to it's just so hard to see them. It's like I'm at the point to say OK what's next what else do I have to go threw. It makes you think how much does one person really have to go threw in Life. I know I'm not better than anyone else and there are many probably going threw worse I just hate that we all have to have so much heartache and I wonder if there is ever an end of this long road. Will I ever see the light again and just be HAPPY?