Happy 5th B-Day in Heaven Lucas

Today my little Lucas is 5 years old. It seems like Yesterday when I held him in my Arms. I miss him so much, it can be unbearable at times. I sit and wonder all the what ifs and think of how it would be if he was still here. But then I think of how much he has changed me for the Better and what my faith is now b/c of him.

Happy 5th B-Day Lucas I miss you SO Much!

Everyday Life!

It's been forever since I posted a new blog. Allot has happened, the Kids had a great x-mass and has really enjoyed their time off from school. I was glad to see it start back tho lol! My New Year consisted of Levi coming to me screaming and crying he had a Boo Boo exactly when the clock struck 12am, Now every since then It's been Boo Boo central at my house lol.

Nevaeh has been a little Princess at least she thinks she is LOL She has been loving playing dress up and her dolls!

Christian seen the Neurologist and is definitely diagnosed w/ Mild CP, Dr. Robertson is hopeful it will remain Mild. We go the 29Th for a EEG to make sure no seizure activity, since Christian has had some episodes at night waking up gasping we want to make sure. If EEG is normal we won't go back till a year. On the 28Th we go for a barium swallow study to rule out reflux or any abnormalities there that could be causing these problems. Christian Also seen Dr. Howell The opthamologist and he has allot of astigmatism in his left eye and is far sighted so he got him some new Glasses. He's been trying so hard to hold onto Toys now, and loves trying to sit up! He will be starting PT 2X a week soon and OT is starting this week. Not to mention DI 1 X a week and Speech should start in the next month or two!

Other than all that we have just been busy w/ everday life!

NICU Graduate Clinic Follow Up

Christian had his NICU Graduate Appt. this morning. On his scoring they give him 2 months b/c he was 2 months early except for speech, He scored 100 in his cognitive area, 73 for Motor and 74 for Speech. They said considering his History and by looking at his chart they expected him to be way far more behind, that he was doing so AMAZING considering his History! He is however Stiff and weak in his right arm and Hand which we already knew He also holds is Hand in a fist most of the time. I did notice his right leg seemed a little Stiff but was unsure and he is also Stiff there and in both legs but more on the Right side they said. We were to see the Neurologist Monday but due to the Weather it got Canceled and we won 't go back till Jan. He has been getting PT 1X a Week and DI 1X a Week we are going to be Starting OT ASAP and plan to have Speech Therapy by Jan


.

Christian had his Shunt Revision on Nov. 25th due to Malfunction. The only symptoms basically were Head increasing in size and soft spot. Anyway he had also Deviating eyes and sunsetting. They looked better till last night I noticed his Left eye was Deviating again and was not equal w/ the other. I did Mention this w/ the NICU Doc and he looked and did note that w/ the light shinning into his eyes they are not the same that one is were it should be and the other isn't. Basically What I already seen. Christian has his opthamology appt. in Jan. also and the doc said it should be OK to wait. and all this could be from all the pressure he had from the Hydro or it could be that his Muscles in that eye have become Weak or not developing as they should that he couldn't really say that the Eye doc would be able to get a better pic

I hope all have a Great Holiday!

He's now 26 inches and 15 pounds He's growing up :) He has fount his foot and it's his Favorite thing right now LOL

What a Holiday!

We have had a few scary days :( This last couple of weeks I noticed Christian's head seemed bigger and his soft spot seemed to be getting larger. He had a appt on the 25th so I just waited till then. Since he was acting OK, he was playing and cooing and eating OK. His pediatrician confirmed my suspicion his head had increased a little over 2 inches with in a month and his soft spot was big. So off to Children's ER I went w/ him as that is were the neurosurgeon' s told us to go. Upon arrival they immediately got him into radiology. After that with an hour he was having emergency Surgery. His Shunt was malfunctioned and his ventricles were so swollen his eyes wasn't looking upward (an indication serious) They said there was no way they could wait as if they did all the fluid build up could push his brain out and Kill him. That they had to take him in right away. I was terrified and didn't know what to do. James was trying to get there. I was all alone and so scared. Finally after waiting for over an hour the surgeon came out and said surgery went great. The tubing that was in the brain ventricles was clogged. They replaced it w/ new tubing and sent the old one off for pathology report. After 2 hours we finally got to go back in recovery by that time James arrived. We were in recovery for 4 hours b/c he had a rough start after surgery w/ bad heart rate drops and his eyes were leaning to the sides. Finally he started doing great and was moved to the floor and did great over night and the following morning and evening and was sent home. We are now home and resting. I am so glad I took him when I did, I just wish I would of took him sooner but he was acting OK and normal. I feel horrible b/c I think of what could of happened if I hadn't taken him in. I know I shouldn't feel that way but can't help it. Please keep Christian in your thoughts for a fast recovery. They said he was OK to come home but I am terrified now, He's still sluggish on his feeds but he still so happy and playing (when he has Tylenol for the pain LOL) He has just amazed me so much...He sure is one tough Cookie!

Hope Everyone has a Great Thanksgiving, We will be spending it home as we don't want to get Christian out so soon after Surgery. One thing I'll be thankful for is my Baby Christian :)

It's been a rough few weeks, I've had to deal w/ so much since my loss from Family it unreal :( Unfortunately I have cut all ties to my sister. She has treated me horrible since my loss, all b/c I didn't call her while I was on my death bed. I didn't want to talk to anyone I was so distant I wanted to be left alone. She has sent me nasty texts and voice mail messages, and my son has been getting picked on at school by her daughter, she tells him it's all his fault etc. I have went to the school called and everything and nothing has been done, thankfully things has slowed down this last week lest just hope it stays that way so I can mourn my loss and stop dealing w/ every one's Drama.

As for the rest of the clan, their all doing good. I haven't been able to do much therapy myself w/ Christian lately but we are trying to get back on track w/ that. His therapist are still coming out every week. He is doing Great over all.

Nevaeh got her fingers cut the other day, she decided to get a can out of the trash and well one finger on each hand got cut. Unfortunately I had no vehicle b/c James took mine to work. I couldn't control the bleeding so had to call an Ambulance. They came out and got her all bandaged and bleeding controlled until my mom got there. Levi's speech therapist came and after my mom got there we went and took her to the hosp. She needed stinches but considering it was her finger tips and she would just tear them out the doc didn't want to do that so he glued them to get the bleeding to stop. Unfortunately one started back bleeding that night but after 2 days it's not bleeding no more. Poor thing can't stand to have her band aids off LOL!

Christian's Diagnosis :(

We just got home from Christian's appt a follow up on his arm were he isn't moving his right as much and it's a little stiff. His ped feels that it's b/c of his Stroke he had and he has developed CP in his right arm, as of right now it's mild and we are hoping it stays that way. So far his arm is the only thing affected, I'm crossing my fingers that it will stay that way. After all that has happened these past couple of weeks, going threw a miscarriage and almost dieing, this really isn't something I wanted to hear to say the least, I kinda knew it may be CP but hearing that my baby has CP makes it different. I'll take him no matter what and I'll ALWAYS LOVE HIM nothing will ever change that. It's just hard knowing he will be dealing w/ this for the rest of his life. I just pray that his will only stay Mild. He goes back for his 6 month follow up in a few weeks, He is up to 13 pounds finally and 24 inches! As for me well, I feel like the world is crashing down all around me. These past 5 years I have had so much heartache and pain in my life, but there has been so many amazing happy rewarding ones to it's just so hard to see them. It's like I'm at the point to say OK what's next what else do I have to go threw. It makes you think how much does one person really have to go threw in Life. I know I'm not better than anyone else and there are many probably going threw worse I just hate that we all have to have so much heartache and I wonder if there is ever an end of this long road. Will I ever see the light again and just be HAPPY?

An Unexpected Loss :(

The morning of the 22nd at around 6 am Christian woke up wanting his bottle. I got up and used the bathroom feeling OK, I went on and got his bottle ready and then went and got Christian out of bed. We came to the living room as we usually do and I sat down in my computer chair. It was no more than 5 minits and I felt a warm wetness run down my legs. I looked and saw blood. James was asleep on the couch, I instantly hollered at him, He ran over w/ a scared look on his face. I some how remained calm. I knew it was not good but I was calm. I had him get Christian and there was a towel laying in the floor so I wrapped it around my bottom and went to the bathroom. I was Gushing blood and the towel didn't even catch it all. I sat on the toilet then started to cry. I knew I was loosing my baby but I didn't want to accept it. The flow of the blood slowed down to like a spotting. I got up cleaned myself up and James was on the phone trying to find someone to watch the kids. We were having no luck so he wanted to call an ambulance. I told him no b/c the bleeding slowed way down and I thought I passed it all. I still wanted to go to the hospital in hopes that maybe it was nothing Major and that the baby was OK. Finally James got a hold of my mom and left to go pick her up. He came back about 30 minits later. By that time the bleed was coming back but not to bad. It was like I was having a period. We got in the van and off we went. No ,more than 5 minits passed and just after we passed the rail road tracks I started gushing. It was so bad. I don't remember much but telling James if I die to take care of the Kids. I was in and out of it on the way to the hospital. He said I was talking out of my head. I do remember James getting me out of the van and putting me in a wheel chair. I looked in my van and saw all the blood and huge blood clots and started crying. He wheeled me into the hospital were they were trying to get me to fill papers out I remember James yelling at them she is bleeding to death get her back there now. There was trails of blood from my van all the way into the ER. A nurse ran out and took me back while James registered me. I don't remember much but telling them they weren't taking my baby w/ out proof. I was crying and in and out of conscious. Everything is a blur. They had to do a emergency D&C When I woke I was in shock I didn't know what to think. James said all my color was gone I was so pale, so whitish gray looking that my lips didn't even have color. James said I was bleeding so bad it was like the excorist he said Huge clots as big as a watermelon was coming out. He said he thought he was going to loose me. They said I was very lucky to be alive I lost over half my blood. I was given 4bags of blood and they said I was still anemic. I was in the hospital for 4 nights. I am still very weak and numb I am so sad and I just don't know what I am supposed to be feeling right now. I was just starting to get excited about this baby. It hurts so bad. It's like I'll be OK for a moment then it hits me. My doctor said they sent every thing off to the pathologist hopefully we will find out what happen. I'm so weak and in pain right now that I just don't know what to do.

Up Up And AWAY!!!!!!

(Waiting Patiently NOT!!!)

Sat. was a big day for my 3 oldest boys (Austin, Isaiah, & Nigel) Our local airport has a program for children that they do 2X a year. It's called The Young Eagles, Children are given a Free airplane ride. This was our first year participating, I was so glad I fount out about it as I didn't get to do anything w/ them b/c of Christian being born early and been so sick this Summer. So I felt this would be a GREAT Experience for them. They rode the plane together and had a BLAST! I had Austin take a Camera and he took some pics but mostly of his self LOL They were up in the air aprox. about 20+ minits. Austin sat in Front and Actually got to steer the plain a Little! It was priceless to see their Smiles as they were Walking Back.

(Nigel Looking out)

(Isaiah all Proud)

(Austin probably thinking HAHA I got the Front Seat LOL)

(One of the scenery pics Austin Took)

(Their Back!)

(Safe & Sound)

NICU Graduate Clinic Follow Up

Thursday Christian had a follow up appt. at the NICU Graduate Clinic. I expected them to say the worst as that's what I seem to always expect any more. Amazingly it went really well, Christian saw one of the doctors who took care of him in the NICU and well this is the one that said the worst. She said he may never walk, talk etc. basically the worst any parent could ever hear about their child. When she examined Christian she was so amazed of how well he's doing. She said she didn't expect to see him doing this well, that I was doing a great job. She come back to his room 3X just to see him b/c she was so surprised. She also had to take him and show him off. She was glad I went ahead and got him enrolled into the early intervention program instead of waiting. He gets DI 1X a week and PT 1X every other week. Considering Christian's history and right now his brain needs to be learned and all his motor areas need to be more focused on. The doctor and their PT wants him to up is PT to 1X a week. Christian has gotten a little stiff but something not uncommon in preemies we just don't want to neglect those areas especially w/ him. I have noticed some decrease here lately in his right side, one thing I was aware that may happen. I'm trying to get a hold of his PT right now to push for his therapies, Still no luck. I'm going to think positive for my child, He's come this far and he's already showed the docs he's no quiter but he is a FIGHTER!

Baby # 9....Peanut in the Making!

I went in for my 1st OB Appt. Today for Baby # 9, It went really well. I've been Spotting for this Last week and was concerned, especially after going to the ER and they done a Ultrasound and heart rate was 95 so it was low and they considered I was possibly having a Miscarriage. Today My OB Doc did another US and baby looks Great, My Little Peanut's HR was at 124 so all looked good I'm due around Christian's 1st B-day lol. He said for me to take it easy for theses next 4 weeks ( Easier said than Done LOL ) I talked to him about my delivery w/ Christian and all. He looked threw all the paper work and there was no indication why he was born. The Pathology report on the placenta was OK basically we may never know. He said I have a increased Chance of 30 - 40% to have this baby Early too, B/C of my History and now Having Christian as early as I did. He said when I hit the 2ND Trimester I'll be CLOSELY WATCHED. I may also need another C-Section He said he won't recommend me Laboring Long b/c it's only been 5 months now and I'm Technically not completely back to Normal, Not to Mention this is the 9Th baby so my Uterus is really Weak so there is a good Chance now that there is Previous scar tissue that my uterus won't be able to handle labor. So we will have to wait and see how that works out. He's OK w/ me having Vaginal just doesn't want it prolonged. He said if I come in dilated 6 or that my Labor is going OK and no indication of any Rupture happening then he's OK trying a VBAC but he doesn't want my body in to much distress and me rupturing my uterus. It would be different if this was my 2ND baby but this is my 9Th so that has to be played into consideration. We will wait and see what happens after all I'm only 7 weeks so we have time to discuss it later on.


(Little Peanut Baby # 9)


Everyone else is doing good, The bigger kids are in School doing there thing each day (being typical boys lol) Levi goes for his preschool screening the 20Th he's talking some more but here lately he's going back to his screaming and whining lol. Nevaeh is a HAM she is my Girl and Knows it she is so ROTTEN! Christian is doing Good, He got his 1st Synagis shot on the 9Th, We didn't get the bladder test done b/c my Van broke down :( We are rescheduled for the 27Th. He goes to the NICU Graduate Clinic this Wednesday. He's now finally reached 11pounds! He's still little but catching up slowly.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day Oct. 15th

Remembering all our Precious Babies
I miss you Lucas your forever in my Heart 3-4-04 ~ 6-24-04 Forever 3 months and 20 days.

Every Good & Perfect Gift Comes From Above James 1:17...

Home from the Hospital!

Christian got to come home Monday, he had a bad UTI and they said when babies this young get infections it can be a sign something is up w/ his Kidneys. The Ultrasound of his kidneys came back OK, but we go back the 9th or a bladder test to see if he's refluxing. Untill we find out the results he stays on antibiotics. Thankfully we had already had a shot of the antibiotic before being put in the hospital, that gave him a good start. They kept him on IV meds and his urine cultures looked good so the meds done their job. After 24hrs of no sign of fever we got to come home.

It's funny it's like I have a new child lol, he feels so much better, playful, has his appetite back, and just so happy. Thanks for all the prayers

Christian is being put in the Hospital

I'm going to type this quick, When we went in for Christian's other shot the Dr. Vogt called and spoke w/ me. Christian's urine cultures are growing a bacteria and it looks serious. I have to have him up at children's by 3pm They are putting him in the hosp and we are not sure how long he'll be there. She said until his urine comes back neg. This is all I know right now so pray for Christian.

These last couple days!

These last couple days has been very hectic here to say the least. Christian started not feeling well yesterday morning, We went ahead and took the boys onto their dentist appt. (5 in one appt!) After a couple of hours in the Dentist office, well I was ready to go home. We got home and I noticed Christian felt warmer than usual, so I took his temp and it was 100.6 So I instantly called the doc. They set his appt for later that evening @ 5:20 but the doc called and said she wanted him in there now! So back to town we went. No known illnesses were seen so after a couple attempts of getting a blood culture didn't work out she sent us to our city hosp. and we were to see her the next day back in the office. we get to the hosp. and they also had no luck w/ getting a culture drawn :( they went ahead and did the CBC though threw a heel prick.

Threw out the night his fever stayed the same (low grade) but he was fussy and sluggish w/ his feeds. The next morn after being up all night I was trying to rest when the phone rang. It was Dr.Vogts office telling me she wanted him in there ASAP!

We get in and he is taken on back, his WBC was elevated to 17000 not to high but enough for her to be concern b/c of his history. Worried it may be a shunt infection she calls neurosurgery to see what they recommend. Well they want us to watch him and if his fever spikes high to rush him to Children's they said they trust me to take him home and Know I'll bring him in instantly If I thought he needed to be seen.

Dr. Vogt still wanted a blood culture so I agreed and she sent him to there local hosp that had Nursery nurses to draw the blood. YAY it was a success. They also did another CBC. SO we went back home.

We wasn't home long and she calls. Christian's WBC is up to 28000 so she doesn't want to play around and wants him in the office for a antibiotic shot and back in the morn for another one. So back we went to the office.

My poor guy got a shot in the buttocks :( (OUCH!!!)

Basically I'm keeping a close eye on Christian and hopefully the cultures come back normal. We are hoping this is viral.

Other than all that Chaos it's going OK, I'm really tiered. James is out of town and been gone since Wednesday working. hopefully he'll be home tomorrow.

Potty time hasn't been going well, all that's been going on it's kinda been put on the back burner. I'm still trying to work w/ them but running here and there well it's kinda hard to get them to potty some were else. That's OK tho Christian is our main concern.

Keep him in your Prayers

Potty TIme!

I am so Proud right now :) Levi my 2 1/2 year old and Nevaeh 1 1/2 year old. Went peepee in the potty this Morning YAY. I am hoping to have them broke from the pampers by next year. Wish me luck, I'm not sure how it's going to go braking both at the same time.

When Christian was in the NICU I broke them cold turkey from the bottle at the same time and it went GREAT! Levi whimpered longer but overall I was glad I did it together.

So I am Crossing my fingers for potty Breaking to be a Success. After all 3 in diapers all the time and one in pull ups at night. Well I guess you can say I look forward to not having to buy so many diapers. It pushes my budget as it is lol I would rather use that money else were. I am determined to do this so let's hope this determination will guide me threw and give me the strength.

It's Positive!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(This is the Test The Pos. is not very Dark but it's There)


Well how do I say it, Yeap I tested pos. yesterday (I'm 2 days Late) Now I don't Know what to think. I'm OK w/ it I realy am but, w/ Christian being a preemie now only 4 months old and all that he went threw I realy didn't want to get pregnant. Not that I won't love this baby (I already do) it's just happening so fast. Not to mention now worrying about having another Preemie. I'm fertile and the docs new that but 4 different docs wouldn't give me any birth control. I wanted the depo shot but it made me bleed in the past and they didn't want to try it. The pill affects my heart so that wasn't an option. I was OK w/ trying the shot all I had to do was take hormone pills again if the bleeding started. But no they wouldn't. So our methods apparently not very affective.

I already have 3 kids age 2 1/2 and under! And PreTeens, and a 5 year old. Will I be able to do it? Especialy w/ Christian being a preemie and having medical problems. OH Man the more I think of it scares me to DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!

I went to a doctor today and she confirmed I am definetly Pregnant. All I can say is I will need the Lords strength more now than I ever did. I am Happy but Scared, Heck I have the right to be look at what I've been threw!

What A Week!

(What A Smile!!!)

This last week has been Hectic to say the least, Christian is doing good, He's not peen using the bathroom and hadn't had a BM in a week so off to the doc we went considering every thing we tried didn't do no good. We did every thing from juice, warm bath w/ tummy massage down to Karo syrup. Unfortunately Dr. Vogt decided he needed glycerin suppository's. Apparently it was all he needed lol. Talk about the little guy feeling so much better :)

(Daddy's Helper)

Christian finally reached 10 pounds YAY at 16 weeks (4 months) He's finally filling out his clothes. Dr. Vogt wants to keep him on the high cal. milk until he reaches a good weight b/c he is still in the 3rd percentile.

Monday I had an episode of waking up in severe pain in my lower back that radiated to my stomach. My stomach was sour and I was vomiting. I was in horrible pain that James came home. After a few agonising hours I was feeling allot better so we thought maybe a virus? I was OK Tuesday but once this morning hit I was in pain again I waited and waited for it to go away finally I called my Best friend and she came to take me to the hospital. Turns out I have a severe Kidney infection (OUCH) Hopefully I'll feel better soon.

Nevaeh my little girl has definitely a princess, She played dress up today and it was so cute. Who knew a 20 month old would be so girly!

(Mommy's Princess)

Levi & Nevaeh Playing

Levi and Nevaeh Playing ring around the roses, Levi gets mad at the end LOL b/c Nevaeh was done playing heehee, They grow up to fast :(

Surgery Update

Christian went threw his surgery just Great! It took about 1-2 hours and it felt like forever for me. I anxiously waited, I was so nervous and scare. I was able to monitor were he was at by his patient number by looking at this big computer. After about 30min after they took him back his nurse called to the surgery waiting to let me know that Christian went to sleep w/ no problems and that Dr. Skinner had made the first cut and to expect about 1- 1 1/2 hours before procedure is done. It seemed like the longest wait, It was allot longer than his Shunt surgery. Finally I saw on the computer board that he was out of surgery. So I waited and it wasn't but a minit or two and I saw Dr. Skinner come into the surgery waiting area, He waved for me and James to go in the conference room w/ him. He said Christian did Great that his Hernia was repaired and that he had allot of Fluid and they drained that out to and fixed that. He didn't look on the left side but there is a chance he may develop one there (I hope not) but if he does we will be right back at children's to get it done lol.

After about 30 minits later we were taken back to recovery and Christian was screaming, He was throwing a fit. I instantly got him and he looked at me w/ his big dark blue eyes and calmed down after a moment. (He just wanted his mama) After about an hour James had to leave to go to work. We really can't afford for him to of stayed so as hard as it was he went on his way.

(In Recovery)

We waited in Recovery forever b/c they didn't have any beds up stairs so after a few hours they finally got his room all set and ready. We got up there and the nurses got him all set up. He was hooked to monitors to watch his breathing, heart and oxygen levels.

(After we got to our room)

It went pretty well threw out the rest of the day. Christian actually seemed allot happier, He was smiling and just cooing away. He did however get really cranky a few times so I think he needed some pain meds but after that he was OK. Dr. Skinner came in a few times to check on him and see how he was doing.

(Laughing at mommy)

Surprisingly the little baby beside Christian was also from the same county as us lol Even our 5 year old's had the same teacher It was pretty cool. Also Lisa came by to visit, She is baby Aiden's mom, Aiden is a preemie to and him and Christian were also neighbors in the NICU it was realy great seeing her and having a little Chat. I don't miss the NICU but I do miss the parents and Nurses I got to know. So it was a really nice visit!

Threw out the night Christian made a few alarms but nothing he didn't fix on his own so that was good. Dr. Skinner came in the morning and checked Christian out and released us to go home.

On Our way out we stopped and chatted w/ one of the girls we got to know at the NICU that worked there and that was also nice. It's funny how you miss those little chats lol.

Christian is doing great still, he seems more happier now. He is the most active baby lol he constantly is wiggling and kicking lol I love it! Just watching all that he is doing right now lifts my spirits and helps me know that my Baby is going to be OK and prove all those doctors Wrong.

Getting Ready for Surgery

Christian's Surgery is set for tomorrow :( I am so nervous....I know he will be fine but I am a mom and I worry, Can't help it...LOL It's what I do best! We are to be at the hosp by 5:45A.M. OMG I have to head out atleast by 4:30 in the morn :( I'll be glad that his Hernia gets repaired but any surgery has it's risks. Hopfully we will be hom Friday evening if all goes well. Keep us in your prayers. I took him to the Pediatrician yesterday just to make sure he was physicaly OK to have the Surgery and she said he was OK. He still has sniffles and we are thinking it's Alergies. He's had them over a month w/ no sign of infections. He's up to 9 pounds 11oz Wow almost 10 pounds now WOOOHOOO!!!!! He's finally packing on the weight.